I have noticed that I have become increasingly anti-social over the past year. I noticed that I couldn't even have a casual conversation with my friends anymore. Whether through acts of self or my surroundings, either way, if this keeps up, I'm going to end up living in a box with nothing but a kindle and podcasts to entertain me.

that might not be so bad.

Oh right, and also:

Hey, Banks, stop fucking collapsing and imploding and make me feel fucking depressed. God fucking damn it, you are the final arbitrator of money, I don't even know what arbitration means, but I'm pretty sure it has to do with a pound of cocaine and your giant ridiculous steel spined megalo-penises penetrating the fed and my tax dollars.

fuck you, banks, stop fucking collapsing, pull yourself together, walk it off, do something except sitting there imploding and depressing me.

fuck you!


I found a pocket full of envelopes and it has your bills in it.

...for which I am very sorry, but it does explain why your mustang was repossessed. Also, this is the 21st century, stop riding your horse to work, I'm sick of being relegated to smoke right behind a horse's ass. It's not a fetish, it's a municipal doctrine.

I've been thinking of puppy bellies and being laid off... Not necessarily in that order, but just contemplating... Ok, well, mostly about being laid off. No, not the "oh how nice it'll be when I'm finally laid off, I can finally blah blah blah...", but more of "What will I do if I am laid off". Also, I don't mean it in an existential kind of way, but more "what will I do immediately when I am laid off?"

The answer is simple, I'll put on my flannel and my fingerless gloves, grab my duffel bag full of stuff, and leave while blaring Don't You (Forget About Me) by the Simple Minds followed by a triumphant pump of my fist in the air right before the door.

It's cliche, I know, but it's all about the execution.

Of course, in the event that I am to be laid off, I'll be too emotionally devastated and will probably just numbly pack up my things and stumble home, which will completely ruin any sense of drama.

The key then, my friends, is to practice and be prepared.

Although complaints will flow like the Niagara, I must reenact that scene every time I leave the office, so that I will be ready when the moment arises.

Only drama awaits, my friends, 80's drama.

This and that and whatsoever

If I let go of every single worldly possession I have ever owned, would I feel free, or would I look back, and regret my loss?

After all, this is America, you are defined by your possessions, and my possessions tell me that I'm an urban cowboy with a penchant for cardboard box tom foolery, whatever that may be.

I don't think I mind so much being a cardboard box cowboy.

Edit: might as well add a bit more since I'm using this as a sort of a journal.

Work is literally fascinating in its attempt to drive everyone crazy. Although our workload has gone back to our old rate, our closings have not. Of course, as in all business, coffee is for closers, and without us being able to close, we can't hire additional staff, we can't even request for overtime to keep up with the workload because the company refuses to pay for it.

Everyone can see the end of this train ride, and we are all pretty sure that the tracks will be made up of our dead, bloated corpses mangled into the dirt.

This is much, much worse then the last time our contract ran out, at least then we had overtime pay, even if the whole place had that "rats abandoning ship" feel it still felt like the people staying behind did it out of choice, and there was this sense of hope, of something upcoming.

This time it feels like we are all chained to the ship, destined to descend into the depth, filling this sea of madness with our manic laughter.

Then again, if corporate had their way, they would have closed our office months ago.

I don't even remember what a real genuine laughter sound like anymore.

Bloody Monday Season 2 is out...

Conflicted as I am about delving into another series of intrigues, terror plots, and a heinously massive displays of back stabbing and double crosses, I couldn't help but start reading Season 2 of Bloody Monday. Once again, this is the closest replication to 24 that I have ever read, but then again, I don't read much.

Edit: ugh, jesus fucking christ, it's like reading a 5 year old me setting up some shitty slash fiction.

It could be easier, but why would you want it to be?

I can honestly say that, despite sudden mood swings, irrepressible angers, muddled thought patterns, or other indecipherable acts, that I have never taken a life of another human being, nor have I taken my own.

That's not a bad way to live.

Large walking balls of steak, on the other hand, I'm very guilty of.

Once again, not a bad way to live.

A Fresh Serving Of Manga In A Macedonian Glaze Served On A Bed Of Beatles...

... With a refreshing beverage of Hardcore History.

Back again to pollute your brain for a bit, my cranial slush fund has run dry and I couldn't think of anything pertinent to write, which doesn't mean that I have nothing to use to make you cry, it'll just be the sort of tears that only make you feel unaccomplished.

An excellent psychological manga, Bloody Monday, just got wrapped up by the scantilation group and the full "season" is now on OneManga. Imagine the 24 being given the Japanese manga treatment, and you'll probably end up with something like Bloody Monday.

Just to warn you, Bloody Monday is nothing like this:

Onward to a different topic, did you give Hardcore History a listen? You should, it is an excellent podcast, and as a semi-historical tale enthusiast, Hardcore History really satiated my desire for historical knowledge with a side of the macabre. One special episode titled The Macedonian Soap Opera (to be fair, the other episodes are easier to understand, but the "Funeral Game" was the first time I have ever heard of such intrigue) really caught my attention, mostly because, circling back to the manga topic, my recent reading of a story called Historie, tells the tale of the rise of Alexander the Great through the eyes of one of his secretary, Eumenes. Yes the translation of the names can be pretty inconsistent, but knowing the end thanks to The Macedonian Soap Opera made reading of the rise of history's greatest conquerors even more entertaining. Anyway, go give Hardcore History a listen, I don't think you would regret it, but then again, I don't know you that well.

Finally, I have being listening to Abbey Road again recently and I have to say that, god damn it, it is a fine album. I really thought all the heaps of awards and praises people pile on to the album was overrated, but then I finally gave the latter half of the album a good listen and I realized that, god damn it, that really is a fine album. I think that having "Come Together" at the beginning really tainted my potential love for the album, mostly because of the Michael Jackson cover which colored my childhood sexually confusing (would that be a pinkish blue? royal purple?). So yeah, hell with it, Abbey Road is a very good album, I shall swallow my previously silent distaste and join the mob of Abbey Road lovers.

Magical Mystery Tour is still the greatest album ever, though.

Good night, kind fellows, bleed you next time.

Every Single One Of These Statement Made Me Wish I Thought Of It.

Received from an email from a friend, it's fucking brilliant.

Random thoughts from people 25-35 years old..

-I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

-More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.

-Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

-I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?

-Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

-That's enough, Nickelback.

-I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

-Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know"
feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

-Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

-There is a great need for sarcasm font.

-Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it.

-I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.

-How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

-The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

- A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

- LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

- Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.

- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in'
examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"

-What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

-Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

- I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu' to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight woman. Example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night."

-I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

- Bad decisions make good stories

-Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

- Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

-If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....

-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

-Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

-There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

-I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

- "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

-I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this.
It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room.
Will we still be friends after this?'

-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?
Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

-When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

-I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

-Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...

- As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

-Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

-It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

-I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

-Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

-Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

-My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

-It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

-I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

-I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

-I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

-The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself.
There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.