if I really look at it, I make enough money every month that I can support my current living habit, but everything comes out to be about perfectly even. Which is unfortunate, since I go through periods of absolute unequivical unrestricted spending.

I should think about boycotting this christmas, as in, not even bothering to go home, I know my parents and david will be devestated, but if I don't go home around that time of the year, I may be able to stray away from the shops and actually save enough money for me to feel financially secure.

and get a puppy.

but mostly for the financial security.

gotta go exercise so I can stop buying XXL shirts and pants that costs about $2 more then regular sized outfits.

and I gotta watch my drinking.

god I miss drinking, maybe I should go drink.

NO, BAD BENNY, STOP WASTING MONEY ON DELICIOUS ALCOHOLIC BREWS!!!

they really do.

if what he's saying about Uchiha Itachi is true, this story may be more... ahem... um... yeah, then ever before... WOW!

edit: for the above statement to make sense, read Naruto ch 399

The air's stale, cold and stale. I sat out at the porch staring into the blank night, desperately wishing that this drink I'm sipping is made of cocaine and hard candy, instead of tap distributed H2O.

Have you guys seen Current TV? Even though the link goes to a boring old website about people discussing various issues and linking you to videos, the more interesting aspect is that Current is actually a TV station. I've had the pleasure of viewing the channel for the past week now, and even though some material start repeating itself, The entire channel overall entertained me greatly. It's like being constantly fed youtube videos, except that the videos aren't made by me and actually has relevant subjects. I couldn't find the channel while back at my parents' place (Verizon FIOS as the service), but I throughly recommand it if you ever come across the channel, it really is a great learning experience.

My apartment's being overrun by insects, I inadvertently assassinated their crown prince Fly Ferdinend, and now I'm being raided like the rest of the world vs Germany. I'LL GET YOU YET, FILTHY VLOSTOK FRUIT FLIES, YOUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED!!!

I wish I can write, then I can put this idea of a small maverick team in the future who travels around the border of a Militarily dictated country, broadcasting high range internet access free of limitation and free for all to use. Funded by dreamers and well wishers, they must constantly be on the move because the regime they are inadvertently "fighting" against certainly don't like the idea of freedom of information suddenly being made available all throughout.

Like wireless cards suddenly being made available in Cuba, while small mobile powerboats run around the island, acting like a wireless bridge connecting to a larger dish that's essentially a makeshift ISP.

How ridiculous is that.

excuse me, I have fruit flies I must mustard gas.

So I don't think it's a surprise now to find out that you can Drink and Drive in GTA4. In a way, you can choose to not do it, it'll damage your relationship score somewhat, but you can always make it up over rounds of darts or bowling, or heading out for food.

My issue with it is that you can't seem to sober up. I tend to wait until the worst of the drunk has worn off before getting into a car, or better yet, walk. What I hate is that 1) I can't get in a cab when I'm out drinking with friends (in game), and 2) no matter how long I wait after the drinking, the drunk doesn't seem to wear off until you drop your friend off back at their home base.

So basically, I find the drunk driving aspect in GTA 4 incredibly unforgiving and frustrating, because that's not how I'd react when I get drunk... then again, I'm prone to pulling my vehicle over when cops ask me to and going into extensively long bouts of not killing people (28 years and counting!), so asking for "realism" in GTA4 is like asking Jesus for crack (you can go find that flash video, I'm too lazy to link.), you can do it, it just ain't gonna happen.

steven (or meir, as he preferred to be called) called earlier today and we just spent some good times bullshitting around, somehow it got to conversation about sexual segregation of kids in an effort to prevent premarital sex. Of course, him coming from a orthodox jeudaism point of view has the advantage of pointing to the boys at the jewish school not pandering to many of the societal faults. and he was suggesting a radical reformation of all schools, to separate it all, so that there wouldn't be any conflict of information from their societal surroundings. I tried to counter his point of view, he countered mine, one way or another, we went from "school restructuring" to "modified communism" because it wasn't making people happy. What we have right now causes series of unrest, he was arguing about how our lives would be much easier (and happier) had someone come and made all the decisions for us. What we have currently, he argued, this "status quo", is making us extremely unhappy.

What steven was arguing is that he sees us as beings who have tried this "take life by the balls" approach and it's not working. He pointed to a study that showed that there's more unhappy people now then there were a hundred years ago. It would be, he argued, more beneficial to return to the old tribal days where the you do what you are told, because that's your station in life. Of course, the standard argument ensued: being placed in specific spot sucks, what if you don't wanna do what your dad did blah blah blah, governing structures has an inherent problem...

And that's when I had an epipheme: we are, currently, in a revolution to take our life into our hands.

What I mean is that what we are experiencing right now isn't a continuation of a failure of a social experiment. What we are experiencing right now, is THE social experiment, we are still at the cusp of this idea of unlimited freedom and potential. This idea is new, it is VERY new, and humanity in general is ill equipped to handle it mentally, emotionally, and societally.

But we are adapting, we are in the midst of a mental evolution, slowly but surely, people will become happy with the choices they made, or own up to them, because happiness will become one of the key guiding force behind our evolvement, it will shape the future generation. We are but a stepping stone, the future of humanity will not be shaped into a cog to be placed in a machine, instead, they'll shape themselves into a cog to be placed into their own machine, a machine they themselves has built, for them, by them.

Anyway I didn't go into all that jibber jabber with Steven, all I mentioned was that we are in the midst of a mental revolution, but that was when he became quiet. I'm not sure if he was exasperated by my insane accounts, or he may have actually conceded to my point.

Either way, for once, I managed to, sort of, kind of, win an argument, then again, I'm sure it had more to do with his phone about to run out of battery, but I'm going to accept it as some sort of personal victory and march my way past the football field with my fist in the air.

don't you, forget about me...

because I don't fucking understand how obama keeps on losing to clinton, is she just better at campaigning then he does, or does people actually like her (look I'm going to be suprised about that if it's true)?

and when did CNN headline news become CNN editor's column, where instead of cold hard unbiased reporting, now every newscaster and their mother is going to tell you how they feel?

GTA4 is delicious and excellent, the only thing I can really complain about is that it doesn't do my laundry for me.

you better watch it, man, you people and your addiction to knitting.

well before I knew it, it's 7:35 am...

GTA4 comes out in little less then 3.5 hours, and even though I didn't really mean it, I'm going to dedicate the next 24 to possibly 36 hours playing the game.

straight.

this is how I like to spend my gaming holiday, I got 36 (34) pack mountain dew and 12 things of cup noodle, and also god knows whatever else of sustenance, if I get lucky I'm going to be discovered in the bathroom dead, take that, korea!

I've been playing GTA:SA for the last 2 days, and going to bed at around 4am.

I forgot how much fun that game is.

it's a good ramp up to GTA4.

god damn I'm really excited about it now.

http://www.squaro.fr/app/

fucking artists and their need to over flash everything, I'm not really fucking sure what's wrong with a standard flickr format, maybe it's a bit plain and boring, but at least it don't hijack my fucking browser to show me pictures of fish giving neptune blowjobs, if I go to your fucking website for pictures of star wars characters in cool urban settings, don't send your java code goons and make my fucking browser the size of mars, so I can see every minute detail of Jabba the hutt's ass crack, just. don't.

I swear to fucking god that I'm about to rip out some of these people's pretentious eyeballs and fuck it with a god damn tail pipe from a god damn volvo.

things are pissing me off more and more recently, I blame humanity in general, even happy news are just telling me happy stories that's only happy if you like hammering yourself on the head with a steel diving board.

that is, once I get over the whole "not quite halo feel but certainly not kotor mechanic". Everything was going great until the mini-boss battle, they went to cinematics, gave me back my control, I tried to reorient myself, found enemies, I shoot, while trying to find cover, BAM! ALIEN HEAD SHOT ME!!! I GOT HEADSHOTTED BY AN ALIEN, SON OF A BITCH!

And that was the third time that I got crabs.

wait, no, but that taught me two things
1) I need to save more frequently
2) WHY WON'T THEY LET ME CHEAT???

god damn new gen hardwares don't have any sort of cheating provided, and are too complicated for game editors, so now I'm effectively fucked.

I knew I should have gotten a dog instead of the fucking 360.

god damn it.

I've god damn noticed that I've been god damning god alot, I god damn wonder why I god damn so much for...

of course, I also want rockband, and those are both incredibly financially unstable desires. I'm sure the dog may end up giving back more then the money's worth (especially with the plummeting dollar value, yuk yuk yuk), I just can't seem to take that final step, the plunge, yadda yadda yadda.

I've also been fantasizing about running, I'm not talking about marathon running or jogging, but a full on sprint, I'm not really sure why, considering that any extended period of running would result with me in a coma for the next 3 years... oh, and my legs detached from my body.

miso in ham bone soup stock is pretty ok, not fantastic, but certainly not bad, it also eases my guilt some because I've tossed in lots of napa cabbage, good for you, I think.

time to get back to work, get fired, and then wonder the street and scavanging through the trash for sustenance.

I'm getting really excited about GTA IV

so in discussion with mom last night we came to the conclusion that I may be suffering from allergies.

well fuck.

this really really sucks, never had allergy problems until I moved down here.

god damn austin.

I better go to a doctor, or some allergie specialist, just to be sure.

god damn fuck shit.

So a few days ago, Andrew and I were discussing the various things we tend to discuss over a few pints of quality lager, it occurred to me that I have no idea why China invaded Tibet in the first place. He argued that China did it just because they are dicks, and me, in my ever "well there must be a logical reason why people do the things they do" mode, argued that China, in a strategic attempt at following the Communist doctrine, attempted to snuff out the Tibetan religious influence by taking down Tibet, using it as a direct strategic route into India, thus eradicating all source of religious significance. And he, kind of... grudgingly (actually, I doubt he really cared) agreed.

So then out of curiosity I typed in "why did china invade tibet in the first place", and the first answer it gave me pretty much explains that china is a dick.

Sometimes I wonder why I bother...

my sinus, it feels like somebody went in with a wet vac and sucked out every drop of liquid.

FIRE!!!

in other news, I've started a new blog, it's basically a collection blog of all the internet crap I keep coming across, a blog I'd use to share all those internet info with my coworkers, since we've recently had the "email is for business purpose only" hammer swinging down on us, but if you happen to be bored:

http://iwastetoomuchtimeatwork.blogspot.com

it just started today.

and not the "I'm covered in rose petals and seducing kevin spacey into masturbatory fantasy" kind of naked, but the genuine "something is missing" kind of nakedness. It mostly stemmed from my lack of a pocket knife.

As far as I can tell, I've lost a total of 4 knives in my entire life time, 2 swiss army knife, a cheap flip out, and a slightly expensive winchester "designed by ken onion" flip out POS. I've got another swiss army knife on standby, I also have a spyderco blade given to me for christmas, but I've been reluctant to open either of them, I hate the idea that I'll end up losing them again.

In other news, I really wish I had gotten a dog instead of xbox.

and this house pic made me lol with awesome

it was horrible, like being stuck in a prison filled with equally kind hearted people, we are all sure none of us did anything wrong, but we are all there, thinking that we deserved the punishment we are receiving.

too miserable to stay, but too afraid to run